This is going to be a post that is quite different from what I have done in the past. As I use this blog predominantly as a place for expressing my interests that I love sharing with others, I never venture into anything too personal as I sometimes feel that is almost…unnecessary? As in, this blog was created out of the love I had for kpop and dramas, and I had thought that it should stay that way.
But for today, I wanted to kind of share some personal issues I have with myself, and I hope that this post may be of some assistance to others, whatever your struggles or problems may be.
Tomorrow I officially turn 21, and as I was chatting to two of my best friends (who are both older than I am) I suddenly realised that indeed this age isn’t simply another new milestone in my life, but that it also entails a new time to take upon major issues and responsibilities that I perhaps have never thought too much about before. Hearing one of my friends worry about job prospects and the struggle of finding a job related to what she has studied, scares and worries me immensely.
Coming to my final year of university, these fears begin to grow larger and larger to the point where everyday conversations end with a whole uproar regarding what jobs we will end up getting or not. As an aspiring high school teacher, I am aware that I should feel more secure about my career path than most considering it is still a government job that forever will be in demand. Yet, I hear from other fellow students how the two departments that I will be in (Chinese and History) and currently dying, particularly History. Too many students are graduating with specialisations in both English and History, leaving many students with either permanent part-time or even casual positions at various schools. This, this prospect scares me. As a student studying two specialisations that are currently not in demand means…what exactly? No secure income, no confidence in my initial choice I made straight prime after my high school career. And the overall idea that I had made the worst decision almost 4 years ago. What is one meant to do with so much to worry?
Perhaps my worries are quite minor to many of you; you probably think that I’m very naive and selfish to believe that my issues would ever become a huge deal to you. And possibly, this may be true. However, what these unhealthy thoughts have led me to is to consider doing many things that were outside my plans, outside of what I was taught and trained to do. I am considering of doing a Masters of Teaching for primary level in order to increase my prospects of being able to find permanent work. I am considering of joining various tutoring centres to become not only a tutor, but instead a tutor training leader to many growing tutors. I have thought of going overseas (if I was ever that desperate for an income) to teach children English in non-English speaking nations, such as China or South Korea. I have even thought of whether or not to start my own Chinese class for younger kids in my apartment (which will probably never run, but the thought was there once) Overall, after thinking over these various career paths that are connected to my future degree, I’ve come to realise that if all else fails (that is, if I am unable to find permanent work for a while), then my options are indeed limited. These thoughts are indeed giving me great anxiety, and uncertainty about my future as a high school teacher.
Was my decision correct? Should I have gone down a different career path? Was I too optimistic and too blinded by the idea that teaching teens would be the most rewarding thing I could ever do with my life?
Although so much of my thoughts continuously repeats “Yes, you were an idiot to even consider this path”, my heart screams:
“No, imagine the expressions on those kids’ faces when they finally remember that list of words they have been stuck on for the past 5 minutes. Imagine the great reward you will feel when you see the class test results from the yearly history exam, and find that no one failed the grade this year. Imagine them running to you in the morning to greet you, and remind you that they have completed the homework for today’s lesson and are ready to tackle their newest term assessment”.
It’s with these thoughts that are able to get me by so far, that have convinced me that yes Hyunnie, you have made the correct decision and that you are indeed walking the right path; the path that was made for you.
And so tomorrow I turn 21, and has never been more confident and satisfied with my life than ever before. These past couple of years have been difficult, but have only contributed to me becoming the person that I am today. I hope that my reflection of my life has possibly given many of you out there the confidence to stand up and realise something. Perhaps it is that what you are doing now is exactly what you have always wanted, or perhaps the total opposite. Whatever your current situation may be, remember that this world is yours for the taking, and to remember that this life is only what you make it so, make the most of it. Do something that you would be proud of, would be happy to return back to everyday. I know that my future for the next couple of years will indeed be a difficult one, but I am the one in control; I am the one making the rules that I should follow.
I hope you all are having a wonderful day/night, and I wish you all the best for this new wonderful year of 2016~
❤ Hyunnie ^^~
Note: As of 2016, I will be referring myself as Hyunnie instead of Yami Hyunnie, as many have assumed that I wanted to make ‘Yami’ as my first name. Personally, I do prefer being called Hyunnie because in my opinion, the name ‘Yami’ belongs to someone else who is very close to my heart. However, if you do see the ID name ‘yamihyunnie’ on various sites (such as mydramalist.com *hint hint* follow me there *hint hint*) that is also me because ‘hyunnie’ seems to always be taken hehe. So, call me Hyunnie if you’d like 😉